i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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