he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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