I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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