at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
