I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
