I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
