Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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