a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.