I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful