Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.