Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
