Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
