I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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