i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
