What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
