Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
