life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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