I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
