sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
