He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
