He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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