I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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