If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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