What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
