finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
