my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
