Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
