I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
