no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
