we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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