I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
