Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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