after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
