I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
