i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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