I think I won the penis lottery.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
