When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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