Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
