We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
