I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
