do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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