hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
