well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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