Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
