using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
