Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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