I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I met the friendliest cop last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
