it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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