Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
