God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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