I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
