Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
