Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
