so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
