There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
