You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
