it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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