grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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