you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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