So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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