You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize