sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
