I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
