my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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