Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
