The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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