Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
