So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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