I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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