I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
