he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
